Desson Jim

It All Started With A Dream

It all started with a dream. My wife, Susan, and I were lying in bed. We had both had tiring days at work and a busy evening. I turned to her, before going to sleep, and said I love you. As it was our custom, she would respond with I love you too and we would kiss before falling sleep. But she did neither. The silence was unbearably obvious. After a few moments, I asked do you still love me and she said no. She said I do not feel love and so I cannot rest until I have found love again. I replied that the love I feel for you can not rest without your love. And I awoke from the dream. I looked at the alarm clock. It read 2:18 a.m. The windows were open to a mid summer evening. There was a mild cool breeze gently pushing back the curtains allowing entry of the sound of crickets. We live in the country and nights are very quiet. I could hear her slow deep breathing beside me. Her presence was comforting, somewhat reassuring. Her nightgown, as would often happen, had slipped up during the night and the soft flesh of her backside gently pressed against my skin. Restless from the dream, I got out of bed and leaned into the window to smell the night air more fully. The night seemed so liberating. I imagined that, at these darkest hours, I could be freer to travel under the cover of night. I tried to imagine what I would say to her. “Love is the smile of God. Love me and you will have loved God,” I said aloud into the night as a wish to a star. Despite the exhilaration of the night air, the dream hung about me with its unsettling presence. But never mind, I thought. I would be very tired in the morning so I slipped back into bed. My movements seemed to have awakened Susan. She turned towards me and said is there anything wrong sweetheart. I said do you still love me. She said of-course I love you now lets go back to sleep. And we did. I am a person who enjoys the challenge of change. I can be like this because I have certain common routines that are never altered. It was my habit to go out, at lunchtime, to escape the visual monotony of my office. My place of work is a two sq. meter cubicle in a sea of cubicles on the second floor of my 2 employer’s office building in the centre of the city. The day after the dream, I went to my usual table at a café just down the street. There were an unusually large number of tourists in the area and their presence interrupted my tranquil spot. A crowd of them came into the café looking for seats, any seat. To my discomfort, a man in his forties, medium height, a non-descript face, a gaudy coloured floral shirt and khaki pants, smiled kindly and sat down at my twochair café table. I disliked the fact that he had not had the courtesy to ask first. I did not want this man at my table and I was now concerned that his close presence to me would spur him into some mindless conversation on pleasantries of no interest to either my self or probably to him. He ordered a simple sandwich and soup, a wise choice I thought, and turned to me with his pleasant smile. He looked straight into my eyes, I was starting to feel even more uncomfortable, and quietly, as a matter of fact , he said, “I am from another world. I have been looking for you for so long I don’t wish to recall anymore, but here you are. I have finally found you. I am so very deeply happy. Please take me home.” I was stunned. My rational self instantly pronounced that this person is crazy so I must leave immediately. Why or how do I take him home since I have no idea where home is, and certainly not in another world. But there was something charmingly genuine about his presence. “I saw you in a dream”, he said, “many years ago, where is not important, you were staring down at me through an open window as I stood on the grass below. You said, “Love is the smile of God. Love me and you will have loved God.” This is not a physical love. The exact opposite, a spiritual love. Since that night, that dream has inhabited my life with an unquenchable desire. All these years it was my only hope that I may one day find that which has kept me going.” Stunned, I sat there speechless for a few moments. I was unaware of time, the room about us, or anything else, just his face and his voice in my head. Then, I said what else do you have to say? He said your coffee must be cold, may I get you some more. Without waiting for my response, he go up and turned to walk behind me to the counter, and I awoke from a dream. My heart was beating quickly. I surmised that, in times like this, I should be in a cold sweat, but I wasn’t. My mind was buzzing with these dreams. For a second, I panicked at the thought that Susan may not be next to me, but I could 3 hear her steady breathing. Then I worried that this may be some other dream and the women next to me is someone else. As she lay with her back to me, I got out of bed, walked over to her side of the bed and turned on her bedside table lamp. I could feel my body relaxing as I looked upon her face. In a sense only lovers understand, I watched her and thought she had the most beautiful face in the world. She woke up and asked me why the light is on. I said I wanted to see you. At this time of the night she asked? I asked her if she loved me and she said of-course I do and I love my sleep as well, now go back to bed and let’s get some sleep. I turned off her light. In the darkness, I couldn’t possibly sleep now. I again pressed my face into the open window. I wondered if, in some strange way, that man was down below me looking up. What should I say to him and would he be able to talk to me. At that moment, I desperately needed to talk to someone. I was afraid I was going crazy, or worse, I had somehow fallen into some sort of world I knew nothing about or how to get back home. I stood there for such a long time that I had finally calmed down. With a sense of resignation, though I was still unable to go back to sleep, and even if I could, I was afraid of what might happen next, into the night I said aloud, “Please God, I love you that you may love me”, as a wish to a star. I waited for a few moments to smell the night air and listen to the breeze sound through the large trees in front of our house. I was tired now and distinctly had a sense of completion. I could go back to sleep now. As I was lying down in bed and turning over to get in to my regular sleep position, I was awakened from this dream by Susan as she gently shook me. What is it I said it’s late. She said I keep having dreams of you waking me up and asking me if I love you and I keep saying yes I do. Are you afraid that you don’t love me anymore or am I just dreaming this up?

I do now I said